Picture Perfect

I realize that most parents think their newborn bundle of joy is one of the most beautiful babies they have ever seen, but my daughter really was above average on the beauty scale. She was born with this thick dark head of hair and her eyes were framed by long, lush eyelashes. People couldn’t look at her without oohing and aahing and more than once it was suggested that we should enter her face into the coveted Parenting Magazine’s yearly photography contest. Of course I would never market my child like that, but I had to agree that she would probably win.

Among the accolades, there was only one dissenting voice. My father has always clearly made his opinion known; “All babies are ugly.” I took his comments with a grain of salt. True, I had seen some ugly babies – be honest, who hasn’t – but my daughter was definitely not part of that group.

Fast forward 3 ½ years. I am expecting my second child. Memories of my daughter’s beginning months flood my mind and I decide to take a good old walk down memory lane. I open a random photo album. Wait a minute! This is not my daughter! Someone has switched out her pictures and replaced them with a kind of ugly baby. This child has chipmunk cheeks that look full of nuts, hair that can only be described as mohawkish, and her eyes are looking suspiciously cross-eyed. I try to comprehend exactly what I am seeing. Wow, I have been duped by friends, family, and what must be motherly hormones. My dad was right all along: Babies are ugly.

When my second child decided to make his presence known, I feel like I was able to successfully take off my rose colored glasses. I took the oohs and aahs with a grain of salt, and basically listened to my dad, “Yep, he looks like all other babies…kind of ugly…but he’ll turn out okay in a few months.” I was able to admit that, yes, his cheeks did remind me of Alfred Hitchcock.

Of course, now he’s 3 months old and is surely above average in the handsome baby scale. That ugly baby syndrome is a thing of the past. And my daughter is absolutely gorgeous. And, no, I won’t be looking at baby picture albums a few years down the road to prove it. I will instead remember the way my children made me melt when they said things like “you’re a great mommy” or “I love you” or when they smiled and laughed with me or when they asked me for “some loving.” There is nothing more beautiful than that.

Rainy Days

It’s a rainy day. I love rainy days in autumn. I love sitting by a blazing fireplace, book in one hand and raspberry tea in the other. Rainy days are great for soups in the evening and cuddling with your husband…

I’m daydreaming again. Rainy days WERE great until kids arrived on the scene. Now I am stuck in a prison with two of them. The four-year-old thinks rainy days are for jumping off beds, tables, and couches while simultaneously screeching…I mean singing…at the top of her lungs. The baby thinks rainy days are for anything but sleeping: stomach pains, crying, spitting up, constant chair rocking. If I am to survive this day with a smile on my face, I will need to be creative. I have to believe that rainy days can be pleasant, even with kids.

1. Prepare in Advance – Our family takes as many nature walks as we can. Many times Sarah will take a basket with her to gather nature treasures for our nature window. I keep my eyes open for things that can be used in crafts for days when we can’t make it outside. A rock has been in our nature window for a couple of weeks and on one rainy day, we turned it into Angelina, the pet rock. There are tons of objects in nature you can use in your crafts: feathers dirt and leaves, acorns…

2. Create a game – Make a set of dominoes. The heavier the paper, the longer it will last. It can be as simple as making colored dominoes or you can draw 5 or 6 different pictures. Do you have a stamp and ink set? That can be used too.

3. No Lightning? Send them out – Sarah has an umbrella and galoshes and loves to go dance in the rain and find puddles to jump in. Sometimes we will see where the water from our driveway goes to, wading through it the entire way. In our case, we usually end up at the river. Give your child a tarp and let them create their own shelter.

4. Expect Energy – Being stuck inside all day just is not as relaxing for kids as it can be for adults. Resign yourself to the fact that running and jumping and loud noises are likely to be a part of your day. In fact, things will be a lot more pleasant when you choose to join them instead of trying to control them Turn on music that all of you can dance to. When Sarah hears classical music, she automatically thinks ballet. She’ll go to her room and put on a dress and shoes and dance and dance and dance. Blow up a balloon and hit it back and forth to your hearts content. Play Simon Says or Hide and Seek, or indoor Hopscotch.

5. Enforce Bedtime – Yes, eventually, your wild cats will need to sleep. If they are still taking naps, refuse to do housework during that time. Instead, make that cup of tea, grab that book, and head downstairs to the fireplace. At bedtime, don’t get roped into reading “just one more book.” Refuse to fall asleep with them and head back downstairs to cuddle with your significant other while having another cup of tea and sharing the highlights of your day with one another

Rainy days don’t always have to get you down once you have kids. Yes, they might force you to use a bit more creativity, but they can still leave you with a smile on your face

Shades of Breastfeeding

500 feet away and one glimpse at mommy, known to a newborn only as “milk bottle,” sends baby into the dance of the mouth; the tilting towards one side, with a half lift of the corresponding side of the lip. If there isn’t an immediate redirection by mommy towards the child, the grunting begins. From there, things just escalate and if you don’t want your pride and joy screaming like the entire world has deserted them, the only solution is to pull out that “nursey” and shove it into his gyrating mouth. Oh the joys of breastfeeding! Let’s explore the many nuances of babies enjoying their meal.

If your “nurseys” and baby have been communicating beforehand, you can eliminate that desperate sucking while your milk lets down and give instant gratification nursing. Eyes closed, gulp, moan, gulp, moan… Everyone is happy. The baby is in his own little version of heaven, and you’re feeling pretty proud of your ability to satisfy your offspring so completely.

Then you have your bored nursing. There’s nothing for the baby on N.P.R, no one is using high-pitched babble to entertain. The kid thinks “I might as well nurse, there’s nothing else to do.” Eyes are roaming. Suck, release, suck, release, taste with the tongue for a couple of licks, and repeat. There is a war going on inside of you. Yes, it’s pretty darn cute, but can he stop already? You might even try to disengage at this point, but more often then not, unsatisfied grunting will ensue.

Thus far, breastfeeding seems pleasant. However, the slight stomach discomfort feeding has not yet been introduced. This can last for hours – more often than not, sleeping hours - and is not for the weak in heart. Go ahead and try rocking the baby to sleep. Readjust the cherub into different positions. Walk up and down the halls when you would rather be laying down dreaming of mommy time. On the pain scale, breastfeeding wins out, even if it seems miserable at the time. Your baby’s eyebrows are furrowed into a frown. Hands and arms flail about, accompanied by deep, guttural grunts. More latching on and releasing, but this time, the tongue is pushing the “nursey” away and the mouth is yanking it back. Keep fingernails cut short or you will likely find reminders of this particular feeding on yourself or your baby.

The colicky nursing is just miserable for everyone. This is where the love/hate relationship comes in. “Give me the milk – I love the milk;” “yuck, is that milk? I hate the milk.” Please see previous paragraph for alternative suggestions to feeding.

Finally there’s the half-asleep nursing. It’s the middle of the night and the baby’s diaper needs changing – again. The little one is out of it at this point – eyes are squinting and he’s wondering why the lights are so bright. Of course, as soon as he casts his sights on you, he instantly demands another round of mommy milk. As soon as the mouth attaches to the “nursey,” the eyes close and almost instantly he is pitched back into the depths of a dreamless sleep. He will remain there for some time unless you happen to detach yourself from his lips. It might work, or grunting may ensue.

Real milk: More complex than you’d think. Maybe not always as pleasant as you had hoped, but maybe there are times when it’s even more enjoyable than you had imagined it would be.